Saturday, April 7, 2007

Isolated Thoughts...

1. Spring has sprung!!! Daylight Savings Time started last week, and Spring officially started this week. And my columns are going to be shorter, starting now.

You would think that with that extra hour and all, that I’d have more time to write these little gems of wit each week. Not so!The sun is shining, it’s getting warm outside, and there are LOTS of things to do which are more fun than sitting in front of this laptop.

2. I’m down a few pounds. Eighteen, to be exact, during an eight-week, eight-person competition which ended last week. Unfortunately, my business partner, Kirk Luther, was down 24 pounds, making him the winner of the contest. Tied for third place were Norman Agnew, Rod Shealy Jr., Mike Andrews, Bo McDonald, Terry Campbell and Rob Schoolmeester, each of whom lost… well, I can’t really say how many pounds they lost, but I can report that they lost “their dignity”!!!!

3. I didn’t win the lottery again this week. One reason I didn’t win is, of course, because I didn’t play… but that’s only a small contributing factor.

I was, however, a big lottery LOSER this week. That’s because I tried to buy a soft drink at a convenience store. It took about five minutes, because I was in line behind two people who were playing the lottery.

Am I the only person who finds it very annoying to wait in line behind lottery players who always seem to carefully pick their numbers, check their card, buy another ticket, and recite the Greek alphabet backwards WHILE I’m waiting to pay for a Dr. Pepper?

4. You may not know this, but I am the inventor of two words in the English language. The words are “ar” and “teafill”.

“Ar” means the same as “and/or”. You see that phrase a lot, so I thought there ought to be a word which means “and/or”. I chose the word “ar”. It has not yet been included in Webster’s Dictionary, but I’m holding out hope.

“Teafill” is my word which means “tea refill”, a phrase that I seem to use a lot. It’s a good word. Webster’s should definitely pick up on this one.

If I had to choose one of my words to be included in Webster’s, I’d pick “ar”, because it would be a very helpful word when playing Scrabble.

5. This week, I’ve decided to include my personal email address in the column: I’m pretty sure that somebody out there would like to offer an opinion about one of the columns I’ve been writing: agree, disagree, tell me I’m stupid, tell me I’m a bad driver, tell me to change my picture… anything at all.

I can handle pretty much anything, because I have a thick skin.

Although not quite as thick as it was eight weeks ago.

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