Monday, May 19, 2008

Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks

It’s been a while since I shared any of the multitude of lessons I’ve learned though the decades, something I really should do every so often… just because I’m that kind of giving, caring, sharing person.

If I can allow someone to benefit from my own “school of hard knocks”, I want to do so.

(To tell the truth, I not only went to the school, I have an earned PhD of Hard Knocks. I should really be the one writing the textbook and teaching the courses. And I’m only referring to the actual “hard knocks”… you know, like when I come around a corner and run right into a door several times a week; or trip and fall down the stairs onto my ample derriere; or bump my head on the top of the car every time I get in or out; or any time I engage in even the least bit of exercise and end up knocking something out of whack; or the game my associates at the office often play, called “Hit Rod-Boy in the Back of the Head with a Stapler from Across the Room"; or the time I accepted a dare to see if a bowling ball would bounce off my head; or playing football for seven years as a kid with a helmet that kept falling off because my head was shaped like a microwave oven. I’m talking about actual, bona-fide hard knocks, in the real sense, not the metaphorical.)

If you’re referring to metaphorical “hard knocks”, then I graduated from that school a long, long time ago, too, and by now, I should be the King or the Pope or the Supreme Commander of Allied Forces, or something of the sort. Either kind of hard knocks, I’m well-schooled in... I've had my share of 'em.

But I digress.

My point here is to share with you just a few of the lessons I’ve learned along the highway of life, so that you might avoid a hard-knock or two.

So, in no particular order, here are a few random tidbits I’ve picked up on the way to being older than dirt.

Lesson 1: Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

Lesson 2: If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Lesson 3: The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to go ahead and buy a replacement for it.

Lesson 4: Men and women are different. Deal with it. And be thankful for it.

Lesson 5: If anything contained in Lesson 4 above was offensive to any female, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I apologize.”

Lesson 6: Birds of a feather flock together… and they mess up your car.

Lesson 7: Invest wisely. From experience, I would recommend against any of the following ideas:
a) Inflatable dart board.
b) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
c) A book on how to read.
d) Solar-powered flashlight.
e) Screen door on a submarine.

Lesson 8: Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Lesson 9: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Lesson 10: The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

Lesson 11: It could be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Or maybe a “bad example”. Possibly, you were meant to always be the “before” in a “before and after” comparison.

Lesson 12: There are really four stages of life: First, you believe in Santa Claus; next, you don't believe in Santa Claus; third, you ARE Santa Claus; and finally, you look like Santa Claus.

Lesson 13: Before you criticize anyone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, it won’t matter if they get mad at you for criticizing them, because you’ll be a mile away from them… and you’ll have their shoes.

Lesson 14: If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember everything you’ve ever said to try to keep your stories straight.

Lesson 15: Never believe a newspaper columnist can really offer you helpful advice which might help you avoid “hard knocks”. Take it from me… it just ain’t gonna happen!

That’s all for now. Have a good week… and, if I were you, I’d wear a helmet.

1 comment:

Cooter Head said...

Rod,

I was perusing the blog and saw the list of hard knocks lessons and one a cousin shared with me came to mind:

"Never tell a police officer you talk with Jesus."

Apparently he did this while in handcuffs in the back of a police cruiser.