Sunday, March 2, 2008

Announcements for March

Your attention, please. I have a few announcements before we get into March.

First, I’d like to remind everyone to spring forward. Set your clocks forward ONE HOUR this weekend.

(That way, you’ll already be used to it when everybody else does it NEXT weekend!)

Did you see the recent lunar eclipse? I did. It was cool. In case you missed it, last week we had a total eclipse of the moon! It’s a very rare occurrence… the next one is expected to occur on the night of Dec. 21, 2010.

Also, last week, I observed an occurrence which is not quite so rare: a total eclipse of the brain. The next one is expected to occur…. probably, sometime this week. Maybe even today. Possibly even before I finish writing this….

Now, where was I?

More about March.

Spring officially starts on March 20th, on a day which has become known as the Vernal Equinox, a holiday tribute to the star of film and TV commercials, “Vern”.

Vern, you may know, is his last name. His first name is “Hey”.

It is fitting that we offer a holiday to a man who has meant so much to so many, to go along with the spate of tribute holidays we observe during the first few months of each year: George Washington, Martin Luther King, Abe Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, “Hey, Vern!” and, of course, Millard Fillmore.

St. Paddy’s Day. Wear Green. Nuff said.

March Madness is coming during this month. Actually, there will be two kinds of March Madness: the more popular version which consists of numerous college basketball tournaments, which ends with the Final Four and the eventual National Champion; and the less well-known version, which consists of most of the state’s politicians officially filing as candidates for office between March 16th and March 30th at noon.

It’s a little known fact that most elected offices in the state end up being decided without an election on March 30th every two years when no one steps forward to challenge the incumbent office-holder. (This is what’s known in political jargon as getting a “free ride”.)

This year, every state congressman, every state senator, every state legislator, and approximately half of all the county councilmen and other county officials will be watching the clock at noon on March 30th to find out who, if anyone, will be their opponent in this election year.

Incidentally, if you happen to bump into one of these incumbent officeholders during the late days of March, and they seem a little on edge, you’ll know why. Also, if you happen to need a favor from any of them, March is a REAL good time to ask. They’re all hoping for that free ride, and the last thing they want to do during March is make anybody mad at ‘em!!!

This year, for Easter, in addition to observing the Reason for the Season, we’ll also be recognizing the Easter Bunny – the second rodent in as many months to be the central figure of an American Holiday.

Unlike his sleepy-headed cousin from February, however, the Rabbit actually does something to deserve the honor: The Easter Bunny is the ONLY mammal in the world known to lay brightly colored eggs, and one of only two mammals, along with the Australian duckbilled platypus to lay eggs at all.

Someday, I hope to go the Australia. It seems like a really strange place.

Okay, back to March. Did you know that Daylight Savings Time now starts earlier than it used to. Previously, it was always in April. But, two years ago, Congress passed a law launching DST in March instead of April. (you might say they sprang the “Spring Forward” forward.) While it seems like a simple calendar trick, deep down I know it will end up costing us something. After all, Congress did it!

If you don’t LIKE the longer DST period, run for Congress! (Filing deadline is this month.) Or, just sleep late.

Just a few more March announcements…

Your shoe’s untied!!!

There’s a bug on your shoulder!!!

Your zipper’s open!!!

I’m trying to lose weight by combining diet AND exercise!!!

(I’ve decided to also celebrate April Fools Day a month early!)

Enjoy Leap Day, and the entire month of March, and also, don’t forget to….. don’t forget to…. don’t forget to….

How about that? Another eclipse!

You’re always welcome to let me know you agree, disagree, can’t make sense of, or simply don’t care about anything I’ve written here… or about any other topic that happens to be on your mind. You can email me directly at:
And, if reading it once just wasn’t enough for you, read it again online – along with previous columns -- at my modern-technology Electronic Internet blog:

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