Friday, September 28, 2007

A Game of Inches

New Orleans was not kind to me last weekend.

I traveled to the Bayou State with a planeload of Gamecock fans for the USC versus LSU football game.

I only really asked for two things out of my trip: 1) A South Carolina upset victory over the Tigers; and 2) to stay on my diet.

I was sorely disappointed on both counts!

At least the Gamecocks kept it respectable. They didn’t get blown off the field by the #2 rated team the way all previous opponents had. The LSU squad even resorted to trickery during the game… an indisputable sign of respect.

I know this because I had a great view of the game from a very soft couch in front of a TV in a fancy Bourbon Street hotel… 100 miles from the stadium in Baton Rouge!!!
Yes, I traveled on a football junket to New Orleans, and then opted to watch the game on television. I’m old. I’m tired. I’m worn out. I survived the airplane trip, but 100 mile bus trip seemed like a bad idea, because The Weather Channel showed green blobs heading in that direction.

So I stayed in downtown New Orleans, the home of Cajun Cooking and Southern Gourmet, to test my diet willpower versus the Many Tempting Good Things to Eat.

I lost. The Many Tempting Good Things to Eat won.

Here I am, approaching the halfway point of the Great Weigh-Loss Contest of 2007, and I GAINED two pounds over the weekend. Oops.

But, perhaps it’s just as well, because about half of the other contestants are missing in action.

For the last few weeks, you’ve possibly been following this little weight-loss contest in which I am participating.

Six weeks ago, sixteen Substantially Sized Somebodies joined me in a wager to see which of us could lose the most weight in a three month period. We each chipped $100 buck into the pot, and the Biggest Loser(s) will become the Big Winner at the end of the contest.

Back on August 14th, when the whole Gang of Gargantuan Guys was gobbling a last meal at the Sunset Restaurant prior to the initial weigh-in, we decided we would meet approximately each month for an unofficial weigh-in and progress report.

(Incidentally, if you’d like to see a video clip of that Famous Last Meal, you can see it at: )

Now, however, it seems most of those contestants don’t want to show their faces, undoubtedly utterly ashamed of their own dismal failures as dieters. Therefore, we have no choice but to publish the ESTIMATED weights of the contestants as we approach the halfway points.

Here, then, are the contestants, with their official starting weights, and my best guess at their current weights after six weeks of competition:

Irmo Town Councilman Barry "Fatback" Walker -- starting weight 331; estimated current weight 321;

Hizzoner Brian Jeffcoat -- starting weight 316; estimated current weight 302;

Lexington Town Councilman Danny Frazier -- starting weight 312; estimated current weight 312;

Senator Jake Knotts -- starting weight 302; estimated current weight 282;

Stan "The Man" Bowen -- starting weight 292; estimated current weight 282;

Transportation Pro Gerald Head -- starting weight 285; estimated current weight 270;

ETV’s Andy Gobeil -- starting weight 279; estimated current weight 270;

GOP Heavyweight Scott Malyerck -- starting weight 273; estimated current weight 274;

Design Guru Douglas Adam -- starting weight 264; estimated current weight 244;

Econobug’s Ricky “Rubi” Wingard -- starting weight 263; estimated current weight 248;

Yours Truly, The Publisher -- starting weight 245; estimated current weight 227;

Insurance Veteran Terry Campbell -- starting weight 237; estimated current weight 235;

Former Secretary of State Jim Miles -- starting weight 235; estimated current weight 225;

Reigning Champ and Okra Strut Chm. Kirk Luther -- starting weight 234; estimated current weight 214;

Anonymous A. L. Wingard -- starting weight 225; estimated current weight 215;

Retired Humor Writer Tim Kelly -- starting weight 225; estimated current weight 224.5;

R.J. Shealy (that’s Rod, Jr.) -- starting weight 210; estimated current weight 205.

As you can see, in weigh loss competitions, as in football, anything can happen. It’s a game of inches, and it’s not over til its over. It’s halftime, but a lot can still happen. The fourth quarter will tell us a lot.

So stay tuned for the Upset of the Century. We’ll be right here to bring you all the action.

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